The tussle is between what we may be or might be and our conditioning which begins in childhood.
Most of us are quite happy coasting along on our conditioning, till adversity strikes. This adversity could be in the form of what you thought of as a strong relationship gone sour and beyond repair, or a financial setback, hard times, or deep suffering for one reason or another.
It is then that we start questioning our conditioning because it does not fill the gaps left by this change of circumstances. We start questioning ourselves and this is the worst and the longest to get over, because we are questioning our conditioning and all that has been ingrained in us over the years. Once free from, and of, this conditioning, come the feelings of revolt. Here again there is a mini tussle, for every woman's mode of revolt is different. This not only comes from what defines her, but she also realizes that this is what defines her. Gradually, very, very gradually, a future starts to take shape, and she discovers that she can carve a way out.
Finally, she realizes that she can love herself....she has gone through so much - that is proof enough that she ought to love herself....Those who are close to her love her for what she is, but it could well be that she has still has not recognized and appreciated her own qualities (could be remnants of the conditioning are holding her back). If she can hang on to herself, hang on with all her might, then she will be free to live as she wants...in a manner that she would want to live.
It is not easy - this self-discovery and this launching out on a new voyage. But others have done it, and they remain the beacon for us...
Germaine Greer sums it thus: “In the struggle to remain a complete person and to love from her fullness instead of her inadequacy a woman may appear hard. She may feel her early conditioning tugging her in the direction of surrender, but she ought to hang on to herself and not find herself nagging, helpless, irritable and trapped. Perhaps I am not old enough yet to promise that the self-reliant woman is always loved, but she cannot be lonely as long as there are people in the world who need her joy and her strength, but certainly in my experience it has always been so."
And Maya Angelou, my role model adds: My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style!