28 November 2014

When someone is stressed about something...

or in a situation which is already stressful, to tell that person that they can do this.... or should do this.... or, if I were you, I'd do this... only makes it more stressful for the person concerned. What a person can do or should do or could do or should have done are governed by personality constraints, situational constraints, and a number of considerations. If a person could or should or can, the person would've already done those things. Maybe the person will still be in a position to do the them, but only....ONLY if these coulds and woulds and shoulds come in the form of loving suggestions, and from a deeply caring stand. A person in this situation is very perceptive - can feel in her or his depths where these coulds and would and shoulds are coming from, and will be able to sense inside of themselves if these come with the rider of - or else...and this does not help. Only identification with and acceptance of the distressed person, and deep love and caring can help a person in distress, or who finds himself or herself in a distressed condition/situation/circumstance.

25 November 2014

Where can I find this woman...

whose charm is beyond face, shape or matter?


She:

1.  Is always rested and looks fresh and prepared for any encounter.

2. Does not cry or overreact if she feels she has made a mistake.

3. Is always prepared and takes good care of herself inside and out.

4. Accepts situations as they arise and adapts to them.

5. Does not allow silly things to break down her confidence and resolve.

6. Does not dramatize or shift from one extreme to the other.

7. Does not react upon her first impulse yet she analyses carefully before taking any action.

8. Has no unrealistic expectations of herself and of others.

9. Does not idolize in a relationship, be it of love or friendship.

10. Does not give of herself in a relationship where she isn't given the same back.

11. Has no practical need for a man rather than for emotional support and love.

12. Is not needy in any way but is rather graciously detached.

13. Is financially independent and responsible.

14. Knows her own value.

15. Knows how to handle herself in any situation.

16. Knows what she wants and what she is worth.

17. Is happy always, even by herself and does not need an entourage to make her feel whole.



Can I be her?????????

17 November 2014

Think about this...

You are in serious trouble if you've lost

your Sundays
your weekends
your nights off
your day of worship (or the Sabbath, or your holy days)
to answering the pulls and tugs of people - maybe family, maybe friends, maybe colleagues, maybe anyone...


You are definitely in serious trouble if your

bosses
acquaintances
contacts
junk mailers
can get you any time of the day or night...


You are in even more serious trouble if you

let the demands and needs of your daily life reach out and make their claims anytime, anywhere...


You need to switch off, friend, and allow yourself to rest and heal from the relentless onslaught of  demands on you and most certainly the pull of all digital devices...

13 November 2014

Take heart...

Beaten, bent, and broken by life, we ought to take heart from what Charles Dickens said years and years ago: "I have been bent and broken, but—I hope—into a better shape."

It is only when we keep telling ourselves...

that everything that we do and can do, and are and can be is imbued with significance, that we begin to absorb this into every pore of ourselves - mind and body. Life, then becomes more than just getting by. We realize that we are something more.....we have something deeper in us.

The importance of our significance lies not in our position in life, but in the way we attach significance to every moment we are in and every task that we do. No matter we are in influencing roles, or only have our usual daily chores making up our day, we need to attach so much significance to ourselves, that we imbue every task that we do with significance.

Our significance is borne out by this Zen saying:  "Before Enlightenment chop wood carry water, after Enlightenment, chop wood carry water." No matter how repetitive the task, there will always be some little thing that is different about it that day from the day before or the day after...we are different from moment to moment, and so we live only in and for that moment. It is when we begin to believe this with our whole being that we will realize and recognize our own significance.

10 November 2014

The Remembrance Poppy...

is used mainly in the UK and Canada to commemorate their servicemen and women who have been killed in all conflicts since 1914. Small artificial poppies are worn for a few weeks prior to Remembrance Day/Armistice Day, which is on the 11th of November. Poppy wreaths are laid at war memorials too.

The use of the poppy was inspired by the World War I poem "In Flanders Fields" by Canadian physician and Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae on 3 May 1915 after witnessing the death of his friend, a fellow soldier, the day before.


In Flanders fields the poppies grow
Between the crosses, row on row,
   That mark our place; and in the sky
   The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
   Loved and were loved, and now we lie
         In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
   The torch; be yours to hold it high.
   If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
         In Flanders fields.


The opening lines refer to the many poppies that were the first flowers to grow in the churned-up earth of soldiers' graves in Flanders, a region of Europe that overlies a part of Belgium.

In 1918, American YWCA worker Moina Michael, inspired by the poem, published a poem of her own called "We Shall Keep the Faith". In tribute to McCrae's poem, she vowed to always wear a red poppy as a symbol of remembrance for those who served in the war. She then campaigned to have the poppy adopted as a national symbol of remembrance.

The white poppy was and is a symbol of grief for all people of all nationalities, armed forces and civilians alike, who are victims of war

In 1933, the Women's Co-operative Guild chose the white poppy as a symbol to show that they were against war and for non-violence. The wearing of a white poppy on Armistice Day became a focus for the peace movement, and the Peace Pledge Union took it up in 1936 as 'a definite pledge to peace that war must not happen again'.

On Remembrance Day, many people wear both the red and white poppy

09 November 2014

Inspiring words and...

MUST REMEMBER WORDS...

In fact these words are like a lighthouse for those of us who are at sea in this whole business of living...(and age doesn't matter - we can start any time).

“I did not know what I wanted to do, but I knew the kind of woman I wanted to be.

I wanted to be an independent woman, a woman who runs her own life, who’s in charge of her life.” 


This is the message Diane von Furstenberg wanted to send out to all women: “I want every woman to know that she can be the woman she wants to be.”

Silence in the mind...

means real silence - not just the absence of words....any kind of words - not the jumble and tumble of happy words, not the seething words of anger felt but not expressed, not memories relived in words...just a deep alive silence. Only this kind of silence can bring peace, real peace - the peacefulness of having committed all words to the One who is able to make sense of them for us...

05 November 2014

Deliberately...

slowing down...

I'm trying this wonderful meditation exercise. Just slowing down everything I do, and even how I speak. Sometimes I can do this, sometimes I can't, but I'm determined to get there. I got this meditation from my studies of Zen Buddhism...It appealed straight to my heart, so I knew that this was for me...

The first thing is to clear all the misconceptions of life that I've inherited, gained from my experiences, and learnt from those who have passed in and out of my life. This involves a total cleaning out of my head and heart. All thoughts, prejudices, proven and unproven feelings. Everything. Consciously telling myself that I am a new person every second is helping me a lot - for I am - we all are - new with every breath we take....so how can we let anything color our mind, and worse, stay in our mind, even from the breath that has passed?

The second thing is to be quiet. Not externally quiet with internal turmoil happening, but totally quiet externally as well as internally.

This does not mean suppressing negative or hurtful thoughts - it means looking at them and then sending them off, always trying to keep the mind and heart clean.

I need to get to know myself; treat myself kindly; choose things that I would like to do, and then do them at my own pace; make myself believe that it is okay to botch things up, but that I must then get up and turn the page and go on; take the time to find out what is right for me and not rush around making things right for everyone else; believe that I have a right to be happy and so do things towards this; remind myself of what is important for me and to me and not to give those up, even if no one else understands it; tell myself that it is all right to walk away instead of getting into an acting-reacting cycle; and most importantly, walk away from people and situations that are hurtful and negative, no matter what....