There is a kind of choice we make...

feel we should make...

choose to make...

sometimes...

that goes against all reason. Our friends and family give us all the reasons for and against, making it clear that the right answer lies with  'against the choice'; all indications of our circumstances point to 'against the choice'; and still we go ahead against even our own intelligence and mental reasoning, no matter how powerful, and make the choice 'for'...

Why do we do this? what drives us to make this choice, when the alternative stares us enticingly in the face? what holds us back, when those who love us urge us to get away? what keeps us putting out the anyway-almost-dead spark?

I think it is because we know that in those quiet watches of the night, when we face our souls - alone - we know what we have to do, and that knowledge gives us the strength to carry on in the face of all-all-all odds...

Harking back...

to my blog 'Talking about pressures...' on July 26.

I'd said - we hate it when life prunes us, and had put a picture of a lovely Ashoka tree with the top broken off, leaving jagged edges and a deep wound on the trunk...

Here's the same Ashoka, with new shoots springing up from the broken top...

Fresh light green and bronze leaves now cover the entire top.

Life does prune us - but it keeps showering it's bounty on us so that we grow out fresh and new again...

No matter how painful the break, or jagged the edges left behind, or deep the scars - we can grow out again...we must....WE CAN......we can again surge ahead with hope.

....and we will realize that the pruning was good for us, and that we needed it....

Angelou again...

'Flippancy and sarcasm are not qualities which we need to include in our daily conversations.'

How important it is for us to talk properly - never to slight anyone with flippancy, and never to take away anyone's sense of self-esteem or self-worth with sarcasm.

My Dad had a rule for us - No teasing. Ever. Never. For he said that teasing always ended in grief......and believe me it does........always and without fail.

So much clarity of thought...

in Maya Angelou's words.

Whenever I'm in doubt, I pick up Maya Angelou's books, and sure enough, there's always an answer to what I'm looking for.

The question of philanthropy has been a rankling one. I read of the rich giving huge donations to organizations that help people. Of course there is the practice of tithing, which is giving a tenth of what you have to the materially poor. There is 'giving to charity'. But what if you don't have money to give.....what you have goes into your own living.....does that make us uncaring? insensitive? hardhearted?

Here's what Angelou says:

'The word philanthropy was taken from the two Greek words, philo - lover of; and anthro - mankind. So, philanthropists are lovers of humanity. They build imposing edifices......give huge sums of money.....are the principal patrons of the arts.

There are those who would like to see themselves as philanthropists. Philanthropists often are represented by committees and delegations. They are disconnected from the recipients of their generosity.'

And she goes on to say:
(and this is what clarifies the whole thing to me)

'I like to think of myself as charitable. The charitable say in effect, 'I seem to have more than I need and you seem to have less than you need. I would like to share my excess with you.' Fine, if my excess is tangible, money or good, and fine if not, for I have learned that to be charitable with gestures and words can bring enormous joy and repair injured feelings.

I learned that I could be a giver by simply bringing a smile to another person. The ensuing years have taught me that a kind word, a vote of support, is a charitable gift. I can move over and make another place for someone. I can turn my music up if it pleases, or down if it is annoying. I may never be known as a philanthropist, but I am certainly a lover of mankind, and I will give freely of my resources.'

The idea is to give of yourself...

Instead of...

relying on ourselves to find answers to existential questions, look at Nature - there is an answer there for everyone.......but you have to set aside time for this - and not allow anything or anyone to distract you during this time - Nature not only gives us answers, but also comforts, nurtures and nourishes our heart and mind.

Sharing some things I read recently:

This one is difficult - (paraphrased)

Glory in the mystery and paradoxes of life, do not to be dismayed by the multitude of causes and consequences that are inherent in each experience, and appreciate the fact that life is complex.
 - M. Scott Peck


But, take heart, for,

One of God's arrangements is that after winter there should come beautiful spring days. It happens every year and it happens in every life.
 - Father Joseph

Have you noticed...

how people flower under appreciation?

It could be as simple as a
Please - appreciating the fact that the person of whom you are making a request can do what you want,
or
Thank you - appreciating what someone has done
or
Giving the time of day - appreciating the humanness of the people you meet
or
Paying a compliment (no matter how tiny is the achievement) - appreciating the effort that the person has put in
or
Taking the time to say Hello - appreciating the other person's presence
or
A well done to a sportsperson who has probably not made it to the top three places - appreciating the sportsperson's participation
or
Any kind of recognition expressed verbally or with a hug - appreciating whatever it is that the person has said or done

The teeniest word of appreciation brightens up another's day, raises their self-esteem and self-confidence, spurs them on to do better and go higher, and assures them that their place in the sun is intact.

My 500th post...

and a promise I'm going to make myself...

Never to ask anyone - 'Why don't you do this or that', 'Why don't you do things like this or that?' 'Why don't you try this method', 'Why don't you shop here?' 'Why don't you go here?' and other questions in the same vein.....

We never know why people do the things they do - we don't know their compulsions, or what drives them - we  do not know their very personal and special-to-them ideas - we do not know their deep, deep inner thoughts and feelings.....and asking these questions can just stir things up in their minds, and cause confusion/doubt/unrest. This is at best, and at worst they may be tempted to tell us to lay off. We really cannot, in truth, we have no right to, tell anyone what to do or how to behave in a particular situation...we are not walking in their moccasins, or living their lives.

You can give your views and opinions if, and only if asked and then too, remember they are your opinions and may not work with another personality or in other life conditions.....no matter how dear the person is or how close to you.

The only thing to do is to lend a listening ear, give your shoulder for her/him to lean on, be a sounding board, and offer your thoughts and ideas if asked. The point is to let the person know that you are around and will be around while they tortuously, maybe, arrive at their own solution/decision - and then to give them the reassurance that you will stand by them through the consequences....

Words of wisdom...

from Maya Angelou.

She says her grandmother taught her this:

'Sister, change everything you don't like about your life. But when you come to a thing you can't change, then change the way you think about it. You'll see it new, and maybe a new way to change it.'

Check out...

this haunting of music...it draws your soul out...

"Nocturne in C Sharp Minor"

Composed by Frédéric Chopin

It's been used very effectively in The Pianist and Karate Kid

Some random thoughts...

I picked up along the way recently...

Time is much too short to be living someone else's life.

It is never too late to be what you might have been - George Eliot

Your work is not to drag the world kicking and screaming into a new awareness. Your job is to simply do your work... sacredly, secretly, and silently... and those with 'eyes to see and ears to hear', will respond.
- Author Unknown

Keep smiling and one day life will get tired of upsetting you.

Life isn't about pleasing everybody - it is certainly about not insulting  yourself.

And something especially for women - a quote sent to me by Debra Rapoport:

Women always try to tame themselves as they grow older,
But the ones who look best are often a bit wilder.
- Miuccia Prada

How often we...

refuse to walk away from something or someone we know is not good for us...

We make excuses and try to find the good and try to find reasons - even one teeny reason, sometimes.

So are we making a pact with our self-respect too? Or is it that we don't place any value on our own selves - we don't care enough about our own selves.....we think that sacrificing ourselves (our inner core is what I mean here) is some great act of goodness?

You could be into something, a job, or a relationship and fight tooth and nail to see to it that your inner core remains your own - you don't barter away your soul - you don't compromise on respecting your own inner person.....you try to hang on to what is good and true inside of yourself.....but sometimes the toll is too high. Then comes the point of having to take a decision to walk away....painful but necessary.......for you have to return your soul to your Maker.