beset by doubts of any kind......................
it's best to be silent - if it happens naturally, you're lucky, but if it's something you find hard to do, preferring to try and explain (try - because you just end up becoming agitated, incoherent, and going round in circles), then you must FORCE yourself to keep quiet.
Only this seems to help resolve doubts and tangles.
30 December 2011
29 December 2011
The haunting strains of the theme from Papillon...
brought home to me as never before that while we all have a place under the sun, we, each one of us, also has our own special place in the scheme of things. It is extremely important to find this, and wholeheartedly accept this (this is the catch) without cynicism, rancor, or going overboard, for only then can we be at peace with ourselves, and in harmony with our surroundings.
To explain: just because we may have been brought up to believe that we are the center of the Universe, or among the flotsam of the Universe, doesn't mean that we belong there...our rightful place, if we belong to the first category, may be somewhere lower down, or, if we belong to the second group, our rightful place maybe somewhere on top - but it's always somewhere else...that is what we have to find, and accept and live...
To explain: just because we may have been brought up to believe that we are the center of the Universe, or among the flotsam of the Universe, doesn't mean that we belong there...our rightful place, if we belong to the first category, may be somewhere lower down, or, if we belong to the second group, our rightful place maybe somewhere on top - but it's always somewhere else...that is what we have to find, and accept and live...
Wonder why...
any kind of suffering or negativeness takes so long to leave the system - seems like it just permeates the whole being and causes a kind of paralysis; it wants to take up residence, and just stay on and on...
Wonder, too, why happiness and anything positive leaves the system so quickly - seems like it is in a hurry to leave, sometimes not even leaving a faint whiff of its warm, glowing perfume; or even leaving behind the impression of a memory...
Wonder, too, why happiness and anything positive leaves the system so quickly - seems like it is in a hurry to leave, sometimes not even leaving a faint whiff of its warm, glowing perfume; or even leaving behind the impression of a memory...
28 December 2011
Building ourselves...
on the strength of dear, good friends - friends who you know will always stand by you and share their last fragment of bread with you...
You know you are not alone, no matter what kind of or how many lemons life throws at you, because they are there to help catch/field/deflect/destroy/turn them
You know you can handle anything because of the wonderful support system they offer
You know you can face anything because of the back-up they provide
You know you can stand up to anything and anyone, because they stiffen your back and put iron into it
You are comforted, strengthened, and liberated....
I know that for my friends and me, we are the back-up we need...
You know you are not alone, no matter what kind of or how many lemons life throws at you, because they are there to help catch/field/deflect/destroy/turn them
You know you can handle anything because of the wonderful support system they offer
You know you can face anything because of the back-up they provide
You know you can stand up to anything and anyone, because they stiffen your back and put iron into it
You are comforted, strengthened, and liberated....
I know that for my friends and me, we are the back-up we need...
Adding to living in the moment...
An exercise to be consciously done this year -
Check to see if I am living in the moment....
Of course if the moment is one in which I am working or doing something, the check is easy. The consciousness needs to be there in:
Happy moments - when I need to recognize it, participate in it fully, file it away, and.................remember that it is fleeting,
Angry moments - when I need to get what really happened, and if needs be, even express it, instead of trying to look for reasons, rationalize, blame, suppress, and.................. remember that it is fleeting... . (There is a rider here - it's best when angry to be alone, and try not to say anything - if it would help, its even best to go off for a walk or to the gym - because what is said or done in a moment of anger may be worse than what happened to make you angry in the first place. Remember sticks and stones may hurt my bones, but angry words will hurt the soul).
Hurting moments - when I need to face up to it (not wish it away, try to push it under the carpet, or rationalize it, or stifle/compress it), suffer it, cry, maybe, and.................... remember that it is fleeting...
Check to see if I am living in the moment....
Of course if the moment is one in which I am working or doing something, the check is easy. The consciousness needs to be there in:
Happy moments - when I need to recognize it, participate in it fully, file it away, and.................remember that it is fleeting,
Angry moments - when I need to get what really happened, and if needs be, even express it, instead of trying to look for reasons, rationalize, blame, suppress, and.................. remember that it is fleeting... . (There is a rider here - it's best when angry to be alone, and try not to say anything - if it would help, its even best to go off for a walk or to the gym - because what is said or done in a moment of anger may be worse than what happened to make you angry in the first place. Remember sticks and stones may hurt my bones, but angry words will hurt the soul).
Hurting moments - when I need to face up to it (not wish it away, try to push it under the carpet, or rationalize it, or stifle/compress it), suffer it, cry, maybe, and.................... remember that it is fleeting...
This is a pass it on...
An extremely dear friend shared this wisdom with me - if someone has hit out unfairly at you, or what is your best effort, or your person; or has unthinkingly put you down, or tried to demean you, or wanted to show you as less; or has, because they were stressed, wrongly downloaded on you, in the process demolishing you, the best thing would be to confront the person - in fact, it is imperative to do so, (i.e., if you haven't been able to do a water-off-duck's-back kind of thing about it) - for your own sake - just for you.
If you are a person in whom such a thing would fester, evoke feelings of there-goes-again, or generate thoughts of I-am-truly-the-pits, or make you hurt and hurt and hurt, or make you go over the same ground again and again and again, with whatever it was becoming bigger and larger and more frightening in the mind...it is best to face the person who is at the bottom of your feeling this way. It could be right away, or after a month, or after six months, or a year - but get it out of the way.
Getting it out of the way, is also recognizing the fact that you are not afraid anymore - think - half the time, we don't ask the person head-on what they meant, instead, go on suffering, because we are afraid in case the person hits out in a manner that we will not be able to handle - the response may be cajoling, nasty, yelling, reasoning, a oh come-on-it's-not-serious one, or a aren't-you-reading-too-much-into-it one - all again designed to fill you with guilt, and make you question your own mind and thinking and emotions...
Fact is, as I have very recently learnt - you can take on all or any consequences that arise from having responded to something which to you is unfair and unjust. You can - believe me, you can.
The only thing you need to remember when responding is to be factual, and state-but-not-accuse - a kind of bringing it to the mind of the person concerned.
The major question would be why? why not leave it be? Yes, leave it be if you can erase it right away - totally erase it - but otherwise, taking off on my blog on 'Gifts' - if the good Lord thought enough of us to gift us His Son, then surely we need to value the fact that we cannot gift ourselves anything but what is good and what will make us happy and what will restore the peace in our hearts...
If you are a person in whom such a thing would fester, evoke feelings of there-goes-again, or generate thoughts of I-am-truly-the-pits, or make you hurt and hurt and hurt, or make you go over the same ground again and again and again, with whatever it was becoming bigger and larger and more frightening in the mind...it is best to face the person who is at the bottom of your feeling this way. It could be right away, or after a month, or after six months, or a year - but get it out of the way.
Getting it out of the way, is also recognizing the fact that you are not afraid anymore - think - half the time, we don't ask the person head-on what they meant, instead, go on suffering, because we are afraid in case the person hits out in a manner that we will not be able to handle - the response may be cajoling, nasty, yelling, reasoning, a oh come-on-it's-not-serious one, or a aren't-you-reading-too-much-into-it one - all again designed to fill you with guilt, and make you question your own mind and thinking and emotions...
Fact is, as I have very recently learnt - you can take on all or any consequences that arise from having responded to something which to you is unfair and unjust. You can - believe me, you can.
The only thing you need to remember when responding is to be factual, and state-but-not-accuse - a kind of bringing it to the mind of the person concerned.
The major question would be why? why not leave it be? Yes, leave it be if you can erase it right away - totally erase it - but otherwise, taking off on my blog on 'Gifts' - if the good Lord thought enough of us to gift us His Son, then surely we need to value the fact that we cannot gift ourselves anything but what is good and what will make us happy and what will restore the peace in our hearts...
27 December 2011
The Upper Room...
is my Daily Devotional. Somehow, no matter what 'valley of the shadow of death' I'm passing through, or what grave doubts are filling my mind, whenever I open the Upper Room to the day's devotion, I get the feeling that it was written keeping me in mind - it's always a just-for-me kind of feeling.
One devotion that I wanted to share is the one on Gifts - we tend to associate Christmas with gifts - (I remember as children, how my brother and I would see the gifts gathering under our tree. Living in a campus, there was lots of sharing of gifts, and we used to love the gift-opening time on the 24th, as the family gathered near the fireplace. Carols and goodies, loving warmth and laughter...Later, my DD and I would share a similar ceremony at my mother's home).
There are certain traditions, so filled with memories - a wreath on the door, a Christmas tree, and the Nativity scene, that just have to be done... . From the devotion, I learned that these are also gifts. But these are gifts of a different kind. According to the devotion - 'Gifts come in various forms: not only in decorated packages sheltered beneath the lights of the Christmas tree, but also in supportive words and deeds. Gifts are symbols of the giver's love and may bring joy and wonder to the receiver.' Gifts of words and deeds can be given to ourselves, to loved ones, or to anyone we meet. Doing up our home is a gift we give ourselves, our family - it is a symbol of love that we have for each other; it is a reaffirmation of family and home. Words and deeds we offer others are symbols of our caring and can be a source of comfort and good cheer for the receiver.
The first gift came to us from God Himself in the form of the baby Jesus...That gift was the symbol of His love...
One devotion that I wanted to share is the one on Gifts - we tend to associate Christmas with gifts - (I remember as children, how my brother and I would see the gifts gathering under our tree. Living in a campus, there was lots of sharing of gifts, and we used to love the gift-opening time on the 24th, as the family gathered near the fireplace. Carols and goodies, loving warmth and laughter...Later, my DD and I would share a similar ceremony at my mother's home).
There are certain traditions, so filled with memories - a wreath on the door, a Christmas tree, and the Nativity scene, that just have to be done... . From the devotion, I learned that these are also gifts. But these are gifts of a different kind. According to the devotion - 'Gifts come in various forms: not only in decorated packages sheltered beneath the lights of the Christmas tree, but also in supportive words and deeds. Gifts are symbols of the giver's love and may bring joy and wonder to the receiver.' Gifts of words and deeds can be given to ourselves, to loved ones, or to anyone we meet. Doing up our home is a gift we give ourselves, our family - it is a symbol of love that we have for each other; it is a reaffirmation of family and home. Words and deeds we offer others are symbols of our caring and can be a source of comfort and good cheer for the receiver.
The first gift came to us from God Himself in the form of the baby Jesus...That gift was the symbol of His love...
26 December 2011
23 December 2011
Time to remember...
Love came down at Christmas,
Love all lovely, love Divine,
Love was born at Christmas
Love shall be our token,
Love be yours and love be mine,
Love to God and all men
The contradiction of the season...
"'Tis the season to be jolly!" is the main theme of this festive season, and the weather contributes to this. There's something very nice about it being cold; walking through swirls of mist; curling your hands around a mug of hot cocoa or coffee or ginger tea; watching 'christmas' lights; listening to carols in all languages as people of different countries celebrate the birth of Christ; snuggling into woollies; curling up with a hot-water bottle; smelling the special smells of winter and festivity...
"What can I give Him, poor as I am". Because, this is also the time when a great sadness permeates the heart; being far away from loved ones; loss of one more place at the family table, seeing those who are cold and shivering and too poor to do anything about it; the thought that another year is almost over; not being able to do the things one wants to do for whatever reason; the pain of remembering happy times gone by; the specter of the past...
"What can I give Him, poor as I am". Because, this is also the time when a great sadness permeates the heart; being far away from loved ones; loss of one more place at the family table, seeing those who are cold and shivering and too poor to do anything about it; the thought that another year is almost over; not being able to do the things one wants to do for whatever reason; the pain of remembering happy times gone by; the specter of the past...
21 December 2011
A measure of Christmas cheer...
A slice of time...
Back after what can only be described as a time of rejuvenation, unadulterated happiness, healing, camaraderie, re-discovery of self, non-pretense, sheer joy.
It was also a time to let go and get back to the essence...
It was a reunion of 3 out of 4 best pals from college, 40 years after we last saw each other...
Had we changed? of course we had - but only in the peripheries.......the core was still intact....it had got silted over and crowded out, muddied and battered, but it was there and we were amazed that it was so.
Back after what can only be described as a time of rejuvenation, unadulterated happiness, healing, camaraderie, re-discovery of self, non-pretense, sheer joy.
It was also a time to let go and get back to the essence...
It was a reunion of 3 out of 4 best pals from college, 40 years after we last saw each other...
Had we changed? of course we had - but only in the peripheries.......the core was still intact....it had got silted over and crowded out, muddied and battered, but it was there and we were amazed that it was so.
05 December 2011
One must never ever have expectations...
is one of the many life has taught me - and how!! till I got it...
How I fought with my Dad when he used to say this to me because time and time again he would see how my expectations played havoc with me! but would I listen? No - I thought, like all young people, that the older generation was hell-bent on not letting us get the maximum out of life.
Fact, though, is that what they said was true---not having expectations is what helps us to make sense out of life and living, as well as helps us to make the most out of life and living...
So for all those who have expectations, the wise thing would be to chuck them all out...and take life and living on an as-is, wherever-is, whatever-is, however-is, as-it-comes basis!
How I fought with my Dad when he used to say this to me because time and time again he would see how my expectations played havoc with me! but would I listen? No - I thought, like all young people, that the older generation was hell-bent on not letting us get the maximum out of life.
Fact, though, is that what they said was true---not having expectations is what helps us to make sense out of life and living, as well as helps us to make the most out of life and living...
So for all those who have expectations, the wise thing would be to chuck them all out...and take life and living on an as-is, wherever-is, whatever-is, however-is, as-it-comes basis!
04 December 2011
How fragile...
is our sense of self-esteem and therefore our self-confidence...
When I read about women my age, who are confident in and about what they do, I either just go on reading and re-re-re-re reading about them or go on and on and on looking at their photographs and just marvel and wonder and wish and long for that kind of confidence.
Wonder if others feel this way too...
Could it be that I've been pinning my sense of self-esteem on the reactions of those around me - those I know and love and those I pass on my journey?
The huge point in my favor is that my DD is my instant pick-my-heart-up, and cheerleader - (something among many others that I am grateful for)
I guess that is reason enough for me - and maybe about time too - to start pulling up my self-confidence from where it usually resides (which is under my feet), and pushing it to my heart and mind...
When I read about women my age, who are confident in and about what they do, I either just go on reading and re-re-re-re reading about them or go on and on and on looking at their photographs and just marvel and wonder and wish and long for that kind of confidence.
Wonder if others feel this way too...
Could it be that I've been pinning my sense of self-esteem on the reactions of those around me - those I know and love and those I pass on my journey?
The huge point in my favor is that my DD is my instant pick-my-heart-up, and cheerleader - (something among many others that I am grateful for)
I guess that is reason enough for me - and maybe about time too - to start pulling up my self-confidence from where it usually resides (which is under my feet), and pushing it to my heart and mind...
01 December 2011
Next time...
try to hear the hidden notes in the voice of the person talking to you...there might be pain, or loneliness, or tiredness, or just the need for you to look into the heart...and decipher what is actually being said, meant...
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